Rants, moans and what-ifs. And maybe some positive stuff.

2004-03-28T15:04:00.000+01:00

“It is not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbled, or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena; whose face is marred by the dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions and spends himself in a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who, at worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly; so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.”

- Theodore Roosevelt

2004-03-17T13:13:00.000Z

Why hello there Danny...

Hmm, I never really feel like typing in here much, just seems to be the same stuff over and over again. My life is too boring for an online diary.

I'm home for 5 weeks Easter, already wasted about 10 days or so. Went out with Baz on Saturday to watch a band, then went into town, ended up in Walkabout as usual (I like that place.. "Why do you build me up, buttercup..."). Ate lots of tasty hotdogs and kebabs on the way back.

Things at uni improved slightly, getting on really well with Tom now and we're looking for a flat. Wish I could meet some more nice people though, getting on decently with one girl but we're not best friends or anything.

Managed to recover my failed investment in 25 days, I'm very proud :o

Favourite song atm, Johnny Cash - Hurt and Apocalyptica - Hope is also pretty nice.

Finished the first series of Alias. Almost got teary eyed (again).

This is actually a very nice site, good design and similar interests. Maybe mine could someday be that good, but I can't really be bothered. Here's a picture of some pretty girls instead.

2004-02-18T16:40:00.000Z

Today I watched the boats,
Moving through the harbour,
Walking on water,
In your arms, I'd stay,
Forever if I could,
Forever if I may,
Keep me in your thoughts, don't disappear.

Bit cliché to keep doing this lyrics thing, but it is a great song, Ryan Adams - So Alive.

Anyway, God, where to start. My mind seems totally clear about a minute before I sit here then I can't think straight. I seem to have run into a few problems in life.

Let's begin with uni. My course is going ok now, keeping a better track on work and I'm actually very good in some aspects :o (well, 1 in 4 topics.) And I like living independently, cooking etc. However, my flatmates aren't terribly exciting socially. Couple this with my laziness (I'm beginning to think I have diabetes or something I'm so tired all the time.. you gotta love 'Doctors' for giving me this hypochondria), and you have the recipe for a very dull flat. In fact I don't think we have actually done anything together since going to the cinema months ago. I'm not kidding.

Here they are, in likeability order,

Tom - great guy. He's on my course, is funny, 'normal' and likes football. Good lad.

Simon - funny but has been annoying me lately, due to the fact that he hasnt been to a lecture since November, sleeps during the day and watches films at night.

Chris - Oh my God. I honestly didn't think I could get annoyed by anyone. I mean, I like to think of myself as pretty laid back and I only seem to get annoyed by problems that I've created. However I now realise that I am terribly fragile when it comes to bad habits. Chris has many. Too many to list here, suffice to say I am starting to detest him. My favourite is the 'HOAAAAAAACK' cleaning the throat thing, which he does morning and night, about four times each. In fact I'll stop as I could go on for ages about that one habit alone. Oh yeah, munching fruit whilst on the phone. Why? If someone did that I'd hang up, then go break their face/slash their tyres, depending on their size. But really, it's soo rude. God I've got carried away in this paragraph :)

Tory - Foreign guy. Keeps to himself. Has a tendency to smack his lips repeatedly depending on what he's eating. It annoys me.

I probably sound really anal judging by the above, anyway.. I'd rather not live with these people next year. I accept I'm probably not the most exciting/interesting person (though I am in my head), but I'd like to start making the most of these years. It just isn't happening. In fact, I'm doing nothing.

Ian said I could get a flat with him and people he knows next year, but now it isn't happening. To be honest that would be really quite sad, but better than my current situation, least I wouldn't have anything to worry about.

Generally I'm fed up.

I'm beginning to miss home as well, looking forward to Easter, though I probably won't want to come back. I think I need to watch a couple of my favourite films to cheer myself up.

Also, a month or so ago, me and an online friend (heh?) decided to start doing an investment thing. It's gone very, very bad, unthinkably bad in fact, mainly just unlucky. I've lost lots and lots of money. I'm not in debt or anything but I'm very annoyed and it's really souring my mood and clouding my mind. Enough of that.

Anyway, what do I do?

I have a check up type meeting with my Director of Studies on Friday, think I might ask what year I could begin in if I changed to an English uni (not really sure what that would gain). Or I could stay in halls again next year. Or I could just try to get a flat with Tom and his girlfriend (if that's an option, need to ask him). Or I could drop out.

In fact I have absolutely no idea. I think I'd like to get a job in an investment bank or the MI5 (maybe I've watched too much Alias).

Some good stuff... Lost in Translation was really, really great, left me feeling cosy for about a week. And Scarlett Johansson can definitely join Ms. Garner in the queue to be my future wife. Other than that, not much really, ehe. My Ipod has gone back to be repaired and now I have to open my ears to the sound of drunken Scots and neds who want to beat you up.

I'm beginning to think this post probably makes people hate me, especially the flat mates bit, but that's not the intention, just trying to convey my frustration at the moment. Of the handful of people who read this, I do really like you all. Comments, pity, "get a life you ugly dick" all welcome.

2004-01-29T03:04:00.000Z

Sigh.

Just a general sigh at everything and everyone in my life.

Night.

Oh yeah, never trust anything that bleeds 5 days a month and doesn't die. Tee hee, I like that - I'm immature.

2004-01-18T23:29:00.000Z

Heh, can't believe its been two weeks since my last suicidal post! Only 7 more weeks to go till we get a month off, yay.

Anyway, since I last left you, I gradually cheered up and even became quite happy. Got the work out the way moderately successfully, came up with a decent plan to make the next few months not so bad work-wise, watched a few good films, discovered some great new tv programs (Joe Millionaire..fantastic), embarked on a money-making venture, went out drinking some, not bad, not bad :p

Oh yeah, was reminded of how good Sex and The City is (this deserves its own paragraph). Miranda is lovely, can't wait for the next series.

My mood has dipped a bit in the last few days, exams are upon us - after a day's revision I was actually confident on the first one, but it didn't go as well as I'd hoped. Tomorrow's I haven't revised for at all (gonna take it seriously in the summer), so it's a go-in-look-bored-for-two-hours job, which is depressing as it feels so helpless, alas, its too late now and nothing can be done. Got one on Wednesday which I can give a good shot. Hopefully I'll get exemptions in two and probably fail the other two and take them in summer. No biggy, maybe.

Can't wait for Wednesday evening when I can relax, watch films, guitar etc for 4 days. Bliss.

2004-01-06T13:58:00.000Z

Hello. My, it's been a long time since an update. I've been thinking about the stuff in here for a while, so apologies if it comes out a bit garbled, I should have wrote it late one night in bed when my mind seemed clear.

I'm writing this back in my uni room, arrived 'home' today, the course restarts on Tuesday but I need to sort out some work and revision. Am writing this on Saturday night but not sure when I will get round to posting it due to no connection at the moment.

Firstly, a quote from The Office - 'Life is just a series of peaks and troths - and you don't know you're in a troth 'til you're coming out of one, or a peak until you're coming down from it. But it's all good.'. Seems so true. I used to think college was a definite rut, but these days I look back on it with longing. People like Baines, Gaz, Claire etc - I wish I could meet even one person here like them. Unfortunately a leper could count on one hand the number great people I've met in Edinburgh. Never mind. I sorta have a New Years Resolution to try and be more sociable, and take my course more seriously, and generally just make the most of it more. Unfortunately though I already feel tired and lazy, must be something about the air up here.

To make matters worse I totally wasted my three weeks Xmas holiday, haven't done any work and now have a bit of panic/apathy about the upcoming deadlines and exams. Hngh. I was also really looking forward to meeting up with people from college but I've only bumped into two people, one who tried their best to escape which was laughable (never really liked you anyway.)

Came 2nd in a big poker tournament on the internet over the holidays - won $1365. Sadly that probably ranks as my proudest moment of 2003, heh. I must try to place less emphasis on money and belongings this year (and get a girlfriend). Having said that my new laptop is cool, great buy.

Favourite songs at the moment, Counting Crows - Baby I'm A Big Star Now (off the Rounders end credits..cool film), Damien Rice - Cannonball, and Outkast - Hey Ya :p.

Hmm, I think I have forgotten half of what I intended to write. More as it comes to me maybe.

-----------------------

Deleted the stuff I wrote on Sunday/Monday as its painful reading. Basically I seem to have had some sort of mental breakdown, I realised how terrible my life is and now I really want to drop out, but am not sure what I would do if I did. Got a lot of thinking to do.

2003-12-08T15:30:00.000Z

Hello.

4 days till we leave for xmas, woo. Can't wait to get home and play with my new laptop. Am getting a wireless router so I can lie in front of the fire downstairs using it :p.

Just found out all my Computer Science lectures this week are cancelled which is cool. Have got an impossible piece of coursework in for Wednesday, so have got my brother to do it for me. Not very ethical but better than handing nothing in.

Last 5 nights, been to bed at 5am, 10am, 4am, 5am, 4am. Not sure what thats all about, I reallyyyyy need to sort my life out. Have got a huge, huge pile of dirty clothes in the middle of the room and am scraping by on a pair of jeans and reusing socks (ahem).

Last weekend Baz came up and it was good, Ian got a lifetime ban from a bar in my building which was amusing and gave me a chance to ridicule him for the following 2 days.

Whoever may be reading this, please go download Ryan Adams - La Cienga Just Smiled. So beautiful (I'm allowed to use words like that to describe music because I'm happy with my sexuality).

Gonna go now as I'm talking rubbish. So tired.

2003-11-26T23:16:00.000Z

May as well keep up with tradition..

Since October 10th,

Net profit/loss(£)
Baseball 5.27
Basketball -3.20
Bowls -1.54
Darts 29.70
Golf 76.06
Horse Racing 5.70
Rugby League 9.71
Rugby Union 1,161.72
Snooker 103.96
Soccer 59.62
Special Bets 111.23
Tennis 1.70
All Markets 1,559.93

Hurts being this good. Invested some in a laptop.

Full update tomorrow when I'm more mentally stable (I'm spending all my time walking round indoors in a scarf moaning to people and punching walls).

2003-11-15T12:34:00.000Z

Since October 10th,

Net profit/loss(£)
Baseball 5.27
Bowls 0.00
Darts 29.70
Golf 76.06
Horse Racing 1.90
Rugby League 14.78
Rugby Union 172.17
Snooker 51.76
Soccer 32.04
Special Bets 33.45
Tennis 1.70
All Markets 418.83

Seems a bit low, think I've made slightly more. And £200 elsewhere in other companies. Yay. Tempted to drop out and do this fulltime ;)

2003-11-14T20:26:00.000Z

Hello once more.

My motto at the moment seems to be 'sick of it'. Sick of this weird sickly feeling I get in my stomach when I think about the months and years ahead. Sick of always being tired. Sick of the same stupid, depressing dreams about the same people. I actually feel like crying at the moment due to a culmination of things, but can't find a defniitive reason. I realise this is making me sound like an idiot, but who cares. I've decided if I fail this year that I'm going to drop out (it's a hard course and it really wouldn't surprise me at the moment). I really don't want to do five years here.

Outside my flat I have made 2 (yes, count em!) good friends, bit pathetic really (and one I knew before coming here so I'm not even sure that counts.)

Have to head home next week for a funeral which I'm dreading going to, I'd rather stay away up here which sounds terrible. I feel isolated from the aftermath up here in my little cocoon.

Favourite song at the moment, Barry Manilow - Mandy.

Good night.

2003-11-02T12:25:00.000Z

Hi,

My life is boring.

Wasn't planning on typing that but it just came out. Anyway, heres what I've been up to...

- Somehow managed to do my incredibly hard coursework. Not sure how, but quite proud of it.

- Watched Kill Bill. Good. Especially the vaseline part.

- Asked people to watch Alien at the cinema and got ignored.

- Spent a lot of money, bought Alias on dvd and an Ipod. Can't wait till they arrive.

- Lost around £100 this morning (on betfair, not in the 'where's my wallet gone?' sense), bit annoyed. Withdrawn a lot of the rest to feel better.

- Made a friend or two!? (hah.)

- Watching Battle Royale tonight, woo.

That's it for now. Enjoy :

"To put it in gentleman's terms, if you've been out for a night and you're looking for a young lady and you pull one, you've done what you set out to do. We didn't look our best today but we've pulled.

Some weeks the lady is good looking and some weeks they're not. Our performance today would have been not the best looking bird but at least we got her in the taxi.

She may not have been the best looking lady we ended up taking home but it was still very pleasant and very nice, so thanks very much and let's have coffee."

--- QPR boss Ian Holloway comes up with the quote of the century to describe his team's lacklustre performance against Chesterfield.

2003-10-25T01:18:00.000+01:00

Hello Moto.

Pretty good week I guess, although at times I've been hit by a sense of loneliness for the first time since the very first day :/.

Had a good weekend, went out to pubs etc on Saturday (Wigan lost to Bradford though, doh). On Sunday I saw 'City of God' - very good film. Saw Laura, got on well. Finally saw Bec on Thursday after she ignored me for ages and bumbled my way into the not-so-very-good books. Ah well, I'll make it up to her soon with a cheesy cinema suggestion.

Got the Best of Elton John 2cd thingy - so good! :). Seriously, some great, great songs on there. I'm also really into Bruce Springsteen - Dancing in the Dark at the moment, amongst lots of other stuff.

Hmm, last Thursday I managed to lose £65 betting. After sitting with my head in my hands for a while I topped the account back up to £100 on the condition that if I lost it all I'd stop for good. Eight days later and I'm on £310 :). The bitch is back, kids.

I've started taking Friday's off which is cool, gives me a 3.5 day weekend which is kinda ridiculous, still, can't complain. Been given some coursework to do, I totally have no idea how to even begin. Argh.

Time for bed, need some beauty sleep before the early rugby.

2003-10-16T15:09:00.000+01:00

Hmm, weird week.

I've been so anti social lately - just totally content to sit in my room doing very little, not missing interaction at all (yes it sounds bad). I think I'll grow out of it.

My Maths course seems sooooooo hard heh, gotta hand in a piece of work tomorrow that I have no idea how to do, and it actually counts for something. I've gone halves with my room mate on a £43(!) book as well but I'm still baffled. Argh.

Today some girls phone went off really loud in a lecture, and her ringtone was the Monkey Island theme, which I found quite amusing for a couple of seconds before falling asleep again. Two 10am starts have almost killed me, but I get a lie in tomorrow. When I ditch my AI course in February I'll have a superb schedule, most days starting at 11 or 12 and over by 1pm, cool :)

Gambling losses at times have been ridiculous, but overall I'm a few quid up since arriving. I need poker, my moneys running out fast with all the cheap stuff I buy at farmfoods (great shop).

Hopefully doing something tonight, makes a change.

2003-10-11T20:56:00.000+01:00

Stuff that's made me smile lately :

Posted by : Protagoras 10 Oct 09:58

I'm not usually a snooker fan, but I turned it on last night to see what it was all about, and I must say I was shocked by the rudeness of the commentators towards the players.

Just before a player was about to take a shot, one of the commentators said, "he's going to screw this one". The player then made a perfectly good shot and the guy didn't even apologise. Then on the very next shot the commentator said "he's too thick". OK, maybe the player made a slight mistake, but there's no need to insult him like that!

I had always been told that snooker was a gentleman's sport, but on last night's evidence I'd rather stick to sports like ice hockey and WWF wrestling, where I can watch people being polite to one another.

Superb. Not sure you can beat that, but this comes close:

Posted by : Carlo Gambino 11 Oct 20:26

she has the sort of beauty that once upon a time would have had men fighting battles and crossing oceans. But in 2003 it means she goes out with a plumber's mate from the Rhonda with a three letter name endin in Z, a body piercing or five, a tattoo and a ten year old 206GTI.

The world's going tits up, it really is.

2003-10-09T21:57:00.000+01:00

Hello!

It's been ages since an update, finally got the internet sorted in my room at uni. Anyway, lets begin a while back, before I left.

Work was pretty cool, just genuinely nice people. On the last day I had this big idea in my head that the fit blonde girl was going to give me a big friendly goodbye but it just didn't happen, was more of a 'Have fun at uni' (walks off). Good one.

Anyway, throughout that last week I was sooo ill, my dad woke me up at 7am on the Saturday morning to go to uni and I have probably never felt worse in my life. (Oh god this is getting so boring and diary-ish).

I'll speed up a bit, got there safely, room was large and quite nice. I was the only one in my flat until Simon from Yorkshire arrived and we went to watch the rugby at that pub. That night everyone from our building went out into town and it was pretty damn good. I became some sort of superstar, effortlessly chatting up the fit American girls (no, really.) Totally thought I had a good chance with some posh blonde girl from London but nothing happened (hah).

Chris arrived on Sunday (another nice guy), went out again but came back quite early as I was still terribly ill.

This is going to take ages and I have work to do, so, cool things from freshers week :

- Comedy night... managed to blag my way in without a pass and it was the funniest thing in ages, really good stuff. 'Wow, strong handshake...opening batsman?'

- Running into Laura - great girl, spent most of the week with her and she kindly made a few meals and gave me lots of beer.

- Meeting Bec (someone who apparently went to my college but I never saw). Aww, such a lovely girl :). I don't want to rave too much, but why do the nicest girls all have boyfriends. Argh.

- Watching Back to the Future outside on a big screen. 'Nuff said.

- Watching Man Utd get beaten at a nearby pub. £1.50 for a pint of Carlsberg, and it's hard to put into words how delighted I was at the sight of free pies and sausage rolls at half time.

- Saturday morning. I decide to go watch the Arsenal game on my own at the sports bar across the road, and somehow manage to sit in the middle of a 10 person stag do of 25+ year olds from Brighton. After taking 30 minutes of friendly abuse (mostly haircut related, though my favourite being 'He looks like a young Arsene Wenger!'), Bec + Laura arrive, which basically creates pandemonium (and brings a temporary halt to the ice cube fights). Anyway, just before they left one of the guys gave a longish speech about how I'd taken a lot of abuse but was a 'really nice guy', and that they were very hard to meet. Plus for someone who had been drinking for around 18 straight hours he didn't look that drunk. Basically, I don't think I've ever been as touched, plus it made me look good in front of Bec. Bingo.

- Freshers Ball that night. Bec all over me (again, no really). Though to be fair she was doing it to a few people, and left early, so I walked home alone moping and watched Alias, heheh.

Lots of other stuff as well, basically Freshers Week was cool... don't think it lived up to the hype (not sure it could), but it was good. But now.. everything has just died. Last 4 nights I've basically done very little, seen Laura only once or twice and she seems to be in a bad mood with me for some reason.

Other stuff isn't great also, the flat is pretty dodgy at times (our letterbox has been stolen, and all the stuff in the bathroom is never functioning at the same time), it kinda smells and my lectures are to be frank, boring. My room is a mess, nothing works due to the firewall (no irc or kazaa, which basically means no music, tv programs/films. Have sorted a tv out in my room though, and Chris has kindly lent me his dvd player and he has lots of dvds I can watch + I found some girl with Sex and the City seasons 1, 2, and 3, so that should keep me occupied :P

Poker doesn't work either, which is really annoying as I was making Â£60 a day before I came :o. Inevitably some of you are thinking 'poker is a mugs game/you can't win/he's lying', well, you're wrong and I'm not, so go die in a hole somewhere.

Could be worse though. Maybe. Gotta go do some work now.

Oh yeah, Gary Jules - Mad World, wow.

And just a couple of thoughts I had today,
1) Couples, die.
2) Lollipop men on pedestrian crossings, not even near a school. Why? Why?!

I'm sure this update has been very boring but at least I'm now up to date. Later.

2003-09-24T20:02:00.000+01:00

Had a dream last night that our bus decided to drive into oncoming traffic and we drove into a bridge at 50mph. Luckily we were all wearing sleepbelts. Good fun.

Will do a proper update when I can be bothered, have had a pretty good 10 days but am currently pretty ill and wallowing in apathy.

2003-09-14T19:21:00.000+01:00

Definitely time for an update I think.

Haven't written anything this week, mainly due to laziness but also due to lack of time. The new job is quite cool actually, not technically too hard, some nice people there (including my supervisor who is 20-something, blonde and gorgeous). There's also some nice perks like free drinks machines (I'm addicted to the hot chocolate, no sugar) and a free pool table in the staff room. It's a drag getting up in the morning, but all in all I'm having a decent time and making money. Cool.

The poker has been interesting this week, managed to steadily blow my $178 down to $14 by Friday night, and then seemed to remember how to play. Got it back up to $226 in less than two days - I rock. Made some money on Pop Idol and Fame Academy, the rugby, and £68 in Ladbrokes casino, good stuff. Found something nice and cheap on ebay (£3.75 to be precise), which hopefully should stay cheap so I can buy it tomorrow.

Quite happy at the moment. Two weeks exactly until university, and I don't actually feel I 'know' everything, ie. what to do when I get there, where to go, etc. I think I should really go read the stuff they sent.

2003-09-07T23:52:00.000+01:00

+$118 today +£5 in betfair. I'm good. Work tomorrow, bed now.

2003-09-07T17:09:00.000+01:00

Hmm, after going to bed at 3am, I slept through till after noon, not sure if I've ever done that before. Anyway, this gave me the time to do a lot of dreaming. Had some nice dreams, also had a downright disturbing one, it went a little like this.

I'm sat down in my room, its very vivid. For some reason my room is covered in fog. After a few seconds this disappears. I can hear a muffled shouting, around the third time I realise its my brother shouting 'Baz is at the front door'. I walk downstairs, its really dark and the wind is howling outside. I fling open the door, and instantly theres a loud noise, kinda like a 'Boo!', but I see no-one. For some reason I'm terrified and slam the door shut. I turn round to see my brother behind me, sinisterly laughing at me. I then realise thats theres kinda plastic strips in front of me, like the ones you get in supermarkets on the big freezers. I frantically pull at them and rip my way through them. My mum is in front of me on the other side of the dining room table. She grabs her tongue with her fingers and cuts through it with the scissors, then places them down on the table and walks round to me. She snarls at me and her face is mutating, becoming uglier and uglier. I grab the scissors off the table and stab my own mother in the heart. She screams.

I awaken. Argh?

2003-09-07T02:50:00.000+01:00

Lost 56 dollars today. Fucking lucky idiots.

2003-09-06T21:35:00.000+01:00

Hmm, made 115 dollars playing poker yesterday which was fun. Around 10 or so up today but the night is still young.

Three weeks tomorrow I go up to uni in Edinburgh..seems so close - its kinda scary but exciting also.

Last night the biggest spider of all time decided to crawl up my wall at 1am. I was going to use a pint glass (one of the short, stubby ones with a handle) to capture it, when I realised to my horror it wasn't actually big enough. Argh.

Am considering trying to sort something out with a friend, its bothering me massively. Stupid world.

2003-09-05T17:14:00.000+01:00

Hehehe. Poker is so fun. Yesterday I went from 99 dollars up to 129, down to about 40, then back up to 56. Today I went down to 30 (argh, so lucky), but then in a magical few moments totally dominated 4 hands in a row to zoom up to 124. So fun. I'm learning all the time and this could work fulltime. I hope.

And Seymore was brilliant as usual, such a nice guy (and good looking with muscles to boot). Going out tonight to spend some winnings...hmm, quite happy!

2003-09-04T12:24:00.000+01:00

For a while back there (after a couple of comments), I thought this site was becoming quite popular. I'm glad to see it's still just me talking about meaningless stuff to myself. Let's face it.. I've not actually wrote anything of any interest or value so far. But that's ok, I think. Most of the stuff is too personal to talk about on here. So, heres some more money talk........

Stayed up till 3am last night watching my friend in a poker tournament. The winner got a trip to Atlantic City, flights, hotel, spending money and entry to a poker tournament. He came 2nd out of 1000 :E. Hard lines.

Launched my own poker career yesterday, was doing quite good then my concentration seemed to go and I lost everything, down 30 bucks. Deposited 58 later that night convinced I would do better, and have made 31 so far, phew :)

After finally getting to bed I had a dream about a party where a girl I used to like was wearing a little miniskirt, which was entertaining. Need fooddddddd.

2003-09-03T17:07:00.000+01:00

Got a job lined up for the remaining three weeks, which should kill the current boredom and take my mind off things. Lost twenty quid today..not that bothered. Might spend some soon, not sure on what yet :p

Have lined up a free hard drive which I can filll with stuff to watch at uni (preparing for the fun already.)

2003-09-02T19:30:00.000+01:00

Tee hee. Just rang up bet365 (I'm getting quite into this using the telephone lark), and gave possibly the greatest stutter ever. The guy asked me for my 'account number' - now seeing that my login is a word I was left understandably confused :p. I ended up coming out with something like 'Er, er, the um, er, oh its...........'. Realised afterwards that I had given him my old account too, ah well, all sorted now.

Anyway, including last weeks £52.50, in the last 4 days or so, according to my calculations I have made £208.32. Yippee.

2003-09-01T17:46:00.000+01:00

Had the most unsociable weekend ever, but made a lot of money, I'm quite happy.

Went into the bank today to put some money from my 'main' bank account in (to reduce the temporary overdraft :p), so handed the money over to the fit girl. She then said 'Sure, I'll get you a paying in slip'. Argh, had to attempt to fill it in right in front of her (I took ages), scrawling in the boxes and asking expert questions like 'Is this my account number?'. Really smooth as usual, arf.

I'm convinced the people in that bank think I'm crazy, I've been in about 5 times this week, always with a goofy smile and saying stuff like 'Hi, I managed to get my account locked because I got the security number three times, I then rang up the helpline and got the backup security question wrong.' To their credit they are always helpful, they must just think I'm a bit dim.

Also, Americans from these casinos/neteller etc keep ringing me up, which is always a laugh:

American accent : Ok Jonathan, I've enabled your account and you are good to go! Have a nice day!
Northern accent : Cool, ta, cya.

Am currently reading maybe the funniest book ever, and feeling pretty good, although I'll be surprised if this lasts beyond tonight :D

2003-08-31T00:26:00.000+01:00

'I was watching the Blackburn game on TV on Sunday when it flashed on the screen that George (Ndah) had scored in the first minute at Birmingham. My first reaction was to ring him up. Then I remembered he was out there playing.'
- Ade Akinbiyi

Classic.

Feeling quite content at the moment, oh how one day can change things. Got my credit + switch cards yesterday (its funny how pieces of plastic can make you feel quite grown up :p). Anyway, proceeded to have a financial disaster which left me in a bad mood, possibly causing my unenthusiastic reaction to American Pie 3. Or possibly it was just poor. Hrm, dunno, bits like the dance off in the gay bar were good, just wish I'd had a better seat and been warmer + in a better mood :D

Anyway, worked hard today, and have made quite a bit, which is good. Hence my contentedness. And Elton is playing, this song can brighten anyone's mood up.

Now around 4 weeks till Uni, oooo. Got another letter from Edinburgh today, they want me to pay 30 quid for a Freshers Pack. Is it just me or does this seem a tad excessive, it doesn't even appear to include condoms - rip off. Will have to pay it though or else the first week may be as unsociable as the 51 following it.

Not sure if I have anything else to say. I'll leave you with the best line ever:

"Adams is stretching himself, looking for Seaman" - Brian Moore

2003-08-29T00:33:00.000+01:00

So unbelievably cold. Sat here wrapped in two duvets and I'm close to shivering, dunno what's wrong.

Just watched Seymore..superb episode. I know the content is porn but this program really deserves to be on at an earlier time and get some more recognition. Also watched '18-30 Stoners' before..um 'heh' is all I can say about that. 'I've given up on dieting, it doesn't work for me. The best thing I can do is just eat until I'm full.' Great logic.

Dido's new song is pretty good, if a little repetitive, and I can't believe how good the Elton song mentioned below is, so catchy :D

Made £2.34 today, which I guess will pay for my recent bus fares and overpriced train ticket.

Accidentally listened to a Chris Isaak - Somebody's Crying as well, a great song but the lyrics are just too apt and depressing, its shocking. Totally sums up the time I've wasted in the last few years, argh. I don't know if I'm depressed at the moment but I'm definitely having mood swings (mostly to apathy), and I don't actually seem to consider any suggestions of activities, it's always a quick 'No.' which is worrying.

And I really can't get a good night's sleep. Ok, I'll end the rambling and go to bed before I start looking for some rope.

2003-08-27T23:25:00.000+01:00

"unless something unthinkable happens in the United game this will go up to £52.50 on Wednesday night."

And I was right, yay.

Hrm, did some cunning immoral stuff on betfair, could have assured at least an 180 quid profit... and the market is made void because Kelly Holmes pulled out of the 1500m. Life is so unfair.

Still, gotta be thankful for what I've made, had a nice day today and generally feel 'in control' of things at the moment which is nice.

2003-08-25T23:30:00.000+01:00

Yay, won £30 so far, can't lose that, unless something unthinkable happens in the United game this will go up to £52.50 on Wednesday night. Excellent!

New favourite song, Elton John - Are you Ready?

Switch cards should arrive tomorrow, goody.

2003-08-25T14:44:00.000+01:00

Wahey, managed to sleep till 10:30. Admittedly I went to bed at 2am but I'm still happy. Just don't seem to need the same amount of sleep these days.

Time for the best joke I've heard in a long time :

A posh lady and her husband go into a shop selling expensive fur coats. She tell the sales man 'I'll have this one' and hands him the coat. Her husband says 'Your knickers are coming down'. After feeling she replies 'No they're not'. He says 'The coat's going back then'."

And, a good sexist one:

Apparently Scientists have discovered female hormones in beer. If you drink enough of it, you talk shit and can't drive.

Hoho.

Just saw Jason Newsted on mtvicon:metallica and he talked about how he had dedicated his life to music, and therefore wasn't going to get married or have children. Interesting. Reminds me of a good bass player joke:

Q. What does a bass player use as contraceptive?
A. His personality.

Ok I'll stop with the comedy.

2003-08-25T00:00:00.000+01:00

I really don't have anything interesting to say, only typing here because I'm waiting for my program to start :D. Won't say what it is as its kinda sad, but it involves betting and money (surprise!).

Watched two films today, Final Destination 2 and One Hour Photo, the latter especially was really good... Robin Williams makes a pretty mean psycho.

Really looking forward to uni now, got the accomodation I wanted, so can't really complain about much.

Went to a party last night, pretty good, if a tad awkward. Had lots of 'Steamboats' which unfortunately seemed to do very little, bit of a waste of money.

Have done a speculative betting promotion thing.. should have made either 52 or 2 quid by Wednesday, should know which by tomorrow night :D

Foo Fighters - Low, its finally grown on me. Ooh oo!

2003-08-24T01:29:00.000+01:00

"Dreams of war, dreams of lies, dreams of dragon's fire, and of thinks that will biteeeeeeee you!
Sleep with one eye open, gripping your pillow tigh-ight."

Kinda drunk. Met a niceish girl who is going to Edinburgh uni. Same old problems still bug me. Night.

2003-08-21T14:18:00.000+01:00

Hallo.

I think the 'Life is good.' below was a little ott, even later that day I thought 'What was I thinking?'. God forbid one of my good moods lasts more than a few hours. Some stuff happened after that, don't think theres much point writing it here, but in a way I'm sorta glad it has happened.

Got an unexpected cheque for £52 this morning, which was nice. Also got £50 for signing up to HSBC, and in a couple of days should have two credit/switch cards, so I can rekindle my betting career :D. My money situation is definitely looking up, and I'm finding the prospect of uni more exciting by the day. Good stuff.

Hmm, maybe I should go on Brainteaser and win £3000, if you get average contestants its not that hard.

All I talk about is money, heh.

2003-08-18T12:51:00.000+01:00

Ooh, I'm so happy.

Last night I watched 'Boiler Room'.. I can't stress how good this film is :). Probably not to everyones tastes, seeing as it's about brokers and the stock market, but the acting is superb. And you really can't go wrong with Vin Diesel.

"An important phrase that we use here and I think it's time you all learned it. "Act as if". Do you understand what that means? Act as if you are the fucking president of this firm. Act as if you have a nine inch cock. Act as if."

Great quote, and quite inspirational it seems. Bounded round with masses of confidence this morning, got a job, signed up 2 bank accounts, chatted to the bank girlies, and generally felt on top of the world. And my blue shirt is cool.

Life is good.

2003-08-17T12:18:00.000+01:00

"It's a slow, sad, Spanish song,
I knew the words, but I sang them wrong.
The one I love has left and gone,
Without me."

Had fun out on Thursday, and again last night - got to catch up with some old friends which was nice.

Saw a 'Tactical Unit' van parked in the centre of town, a few minutes later there was a scuffle outside a bar, and about 10 SWAT guys in riot gear ran over, with the shields/batons etc, was pretty funny.

Have a job interview tomorrow, hngh. Can't really be bothered, have to go purchase some trousers/get up early/manage without a CV as my printer is broken. Ah well, I guess I should at least try to get the job :D

2003-08-14T19:02:00.000+01:00

Youuuuuuuuuuuuuuu could be,
Youuuuuuuuuuuuuuu should be,
Youuuuuuuuuuuuuuu could be mi-ee-ine!

- Got the A level results.. ABB, just above what I needed, yay. Well done to everyone as it seemed they all did great.
- Have a job interview on Monday. I'll have to write a CV, argh.
- Pirates of the Caribbean - funny and good. But a bit long.
- Time to go out and play.

2003-08-09T00:04:00.000+01:00

Saw an English band on one of the rock channels a couple of weeks ago, and thought 'Oh my god that kid's great on guitar.. and thats quite catchy.' Finally discovered what it was, The Darkness - I Believe In A Thing Called Love. So not very obscure then, but a pretty cool song, and the singer looks like a male version of Sarah Jessica Parker.

Which leads me beautifully onto my next topic, Sex and the City (again). I know I originally started off talking jokingly about it, but the first series is frankly superb. Everyone go buy it :p

Elton John - Tiny Dancer.. wow. Some of the best lyrics ever. Why is it so hard to write a song :(

Time for more of Carrie - I'm addicted...

2003-08-06T13:09:00.000+01:00

A semi-interesting thought just came into my head. Was leafing through the paper, glanced at my horoscope (don't worry, I don't normally read it - they are nonsense), and it said : 'Believe it or not, the object of your desires is within your reach - or will be sooner than you think'. Now, to me this seems highly unlikely, but if we assume its true, if you reveal this horoscope to that person, does this mean that it won't come true? Sorta like revealing a birthday wish. Who knows/cares, I did say it was only slightly interesting.

Watched Terminator 3 last night, and it was good, basically just more of the same. Talk to the hand.

For some reason I decided to go for a bike ride on the 'Hottest Day of the Year'. Did around 7 miles, at quite a decent pace, but unfortunately some truck pumped me with fumes and I literally couldn't breathe for the remaining 2 miles. And people have a tendency to just ignore you and pull out in front of you, to my annoyance (and muttered swearing).

At least now I can laze around for the remainder of the day without feeling guilty. Also thought last night, motivational slogans are great, but just living a mentally great life is not good enough, you need to actually have motivation and do something, otherwise you might look back on your life and wonder where it went. A scary prospect.

Anyway, time for a nice summer dinner.

2003-08-03T18:48:00.000+01:00

Had a nice few days, got some really cool clothes from Next (big spender :p), and Ian's party went pretty well after a somewhat dodgy start. Apparently I'm 'goofy'? Pfft.

Am so tired it hurts, haven't slept well in ages and keep having stupid dreams about massacring people then getting caught and being imprisoned for life. Tends to put a bit of a downer on things.

Kiss - Crazy Crazy Nights and Sarah Mclachlan - Angel. Wow to both. Oh yeah, and the new Guns N' Roses song is so good, and I've started worshipping the Foo Fighters even more than usual ('Someone's always someone elses one' - such a great line :)

Have now seen Terminator 1 & 2 (yes, I had a deprived childhood), and am looking forward to watching T3.

Just had an old friend show me a picture of his girlfriend, I wasn't that struck but was pretty polite (or so I thought). Next thing I know his girlfriend is practically interrogating me saying 'I'm a real woman, and that's what we look like'. What the hell, back off you psycho-bitch. Funny, though.

Er she just came out with this 'i don't dislike you but i don't appreciate my boyfriend and u discussing things'. I'm starting to quite like this girl, she's a little feisty :)

Random idiot sentences keep popping into my head, the most frequent being 'Where'm I at. Mentally'. I literally have no idea what that means, I think I'm starting to go insane.

Am thinking of going to NYC later this year, purely as something to do and waste cash on. And, definitely am going to lay Chelsea winning the premiership for quite a lot. Should be a nice 15%+ return on my student loan :D

This has been a long, rambling, uninteresting post. Why did you waste your time reading it?

2003-07-29T14:14:00.000+01:00

Hallo.

Have calmed down a little now. When rereading the previous post it looks as if I was overreacting a little, but I don't think I was, and besides, if everything on here was censored it would be even more boring :p

Biked it to Baines' house yesterday and realised how unfit I am. To cap it off I got my jeans oily and he wasn't in, ah well. I fancy doing the same today but its drizzling, so I'm stuck inside watching Rachel Pierman (which is obviously no hardship.)

'Those littttttttle scrubbers!' - Why has nobody seen this? It's a hilarious V05 advert.

I'm sure I had something interesting to say but apparently I don't.

Oh yeah, the two player minesweeper game on MSN 6 is pretty cool, as is John Mcenroes autobiography. And I half want to go to the darts final on Saturday in Blackpool, and get drunk with the thugs. Ah damn, juts remembered it's Ian's party, how unthoughtful of him.

Think I may go watch Terminator.

2003-07-27T23:49:00.000+01:00

Oh, fuck off.

What I have just heard I cannot believe, it's just unreal. I just literally cannot comprehend it, even 20-30mins later, I just feel like my heart has been ripped out and as if I've been totally betrayed, by the one person I've always counted on.

So horrible. I literally can't wait to begin a new life.

Jesus.

(Also can't believe I've just waited for 3 hours to get in contact with this person to talk about my problems, and then I am totally and utterly carved up.)

2003-07-27T20:04:00.000+01:00

Argh, so depressed.

This cheered me up a bit, not sure why:

Doron : thats what my pal obi wan once told me when i said that i have no respect to all the pplz here who dress like queers . he said "if they are happy and they feel good than thats all what matters"

Time for Vice City in bed and general moping.

2003-07-25T23:09:00.000+01:00

Why do I always come back here when I want a moan? :)

Only a small one this time, my eye is really sore. Nearly completely red due to the bloodshot and there is a burning pain at the side of it. So, not quite so much a rant, but nothing positive gets written on here either, bleh.

Stayed over at Baines' house last night, had pizza/alcohol, watched tv etc. I don't really want to call it a sleepover as that's an 8 year olds thing, but thats basically what it was :P. Still, pretty fun.

Finally got around to watching Notting Hill (um), and it's really funny.. I need half of Hugh Grant's bumbling lovableness.

Other stuff.. darts starts on Sunday(yay), Baz gets back on Wednesday(yay), Sonia is back(hmm :p).

And, thats it. Off to listen to music and maybe watch some more Sex and the City.

2003-07-22T22:18:00.000+01:00

Why if you nap in the day do you inevitably wake up feeling terrible? I've dozed on and off for an hour, and feel awful, plain rough, sweaty and have the worst taste in my mouth, ever. Eurgh.

Vice City was well and truly fubar'ed, so I rubbed toothpaste into the scratches, and now it works. God bless Aquafresh. (Note, this wasn't just an off the wall idea, i read it on a website.)

Have started downloading Sex and the City episodes, not sure why. Charlotte is really fit, and although I'm aware it is a girls program, it is pretty funny. However couple this with the fact that I watched 'When Harry met Sally' the other day (and enjoyed it), I'm led to believe I may be turning gay.

But, Alias, great program, and it reaffirms my, ahem, machoness. Watching Jennifer Garner run round Moscow killing baddies, whilst wearing a tight PVC minidress. Superb entertainment.

I'm off to try and cure this mouth, I feel like I've flossed using a rat's tail.

2003-07-20T18:27:00.000+01:00

"Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans." - John Lennon

Heh, Tiger lost. Actually changed position to against him but then backed him again as he was on fire. Never mind, could've, should've, would've.

Vice City is cracking up, too many scratches, I keep driving into invisible walls. Gonna go watch some Smallville and console myself.

2003-07-20T00:51:00.000+01:00

It is only one who is thoroughly acquainted with the evils of war that can thoroughly understand the profitable way of carrying it on.
-Sun Tzu

God, I'm an idiot. Had the most terrible betting day ever, the losses just escalated ever more in my stupid chasing...argh, just stupid and horrible. Lost the 60 quid I made yesterday, and in a last ditch chase attempt stuck a lot on Tiger Woods to win tomorrow (if he does, I recoup). And deep down, I know he won't. So that's even more gone. Man, I'm stupid. It's days like this I feel addicted to betting, heh. Quite feel like a fight with somebody now.

Currently trying to convince myself it doesn't matter, maybe it doesn't. As I've said before it's only money. I kinda feel like going getting a job to recoup today's loss, no promises though :p. I have a bigger problem in my life that can't be solved, not yet anyway. Maybe I don't want it to be solved, because I know it will result in failure. Who knows.

Think I will go have a Stella and play Vice City, then try and sleep till tee off time. So many idiot problems.

(It's not all depressed gambling nonsense... Hole - Malibu, really good, and Tiger Woods' real name is Eldrick. Har har.)

2003-07-18T22:02:00.000+01:00

Heheheheh. Just literally stole 60 quid on betfair, not very ethical, but someone else was only a second behind me taking it. My only regret is I didn't have more in the account so I could have pinched the full £100 :p.

Feel pretty dodgy for taking it, but mistakes like this happen (has happened to me in the past). Ah well, that's capped a decent day off :)

Had a mail from a casino, turns out my 50 quid cheque may not be arriving. Bit gutted, but at least I've not lost any of my own cash.

And in non-gambling matters, hmm, dunno. The Thrills - Big Sur, really nice song.

I intend to reach 12.5-13 stone before university (no laughing), which would basically be my optimum weight. How do I plan to do this? Lots of eggs and sardines. And a few more chinups.

2003-07-16T20:11:00.000+01:00

Just been to Baz's house and borrowed basically all his stuff whilst he is on holiday, including the Playstation and his BB gun :)

Also, just been emailed to say my free 30 dollars has been deposited into my poker account. If I'm sensible and play well, this could provide me with the basis to make a decent wage every day this summer. Or I could blow it all then come on here and moan. Time will tell.

Evanescence - Bring me To Life, hmm, it's growing on me sadly. And the singer is pretty fit. Still not sure why it was on 3 music channels simultaneously then though, it's not _that_ good.

Think I will go watch the start of the rugby again. Oh, and play with my gun...then go subscribe to Soldier of Fortune.

2003-07-16T17:54:00.000+01:00

"Forever blue, 'cos you love her,
But she doesn't love you,
You did your best, life did the rest,
You're left forever blue.'

- Chris Isaak - Forever Blue

Despite quoting perhaps the most depressing song of all time, I'm in quite a chipper mood.

Went to a party at Claire's house last night, which was pretty good - free drink and good company can never be bad. Even got to have a bit of a kickaround on the back lawn which is massive, however this soon ended when we smashed the lantern which was acting as a floodlight (not my fault, honest). Her little sister is pretty funny for a 10 year old. Plus, people who I hate (or hate me) didn't show up. All in all, a decent night :)

Got back bright and early this morning, had a nice breakfast, watched the third Origin game which was brilliant. Purely inspirational, and a great example of how to play to the fullest, even when there is only pride at stake. Jeez, I'm gushing.

I seem to get happy over the slightest things, but who cares, any relief from boredom and frustration is a good one. Plus, my second Alias episode has finally downloaded, and it's Michael Essany tonight.. can't wait.

2003-07-14T19:17:00.000+01:00

Man, it's hot. The last two days have been the hottest in around 25 years apparently, and tomorrow is supposed to be even warmer. Mad. This room is unbearably hot and is causing my pc to crack up, but I just know if I go buy a desk fan I'll get no use out of it.

Still, it's not all bad, have spent a nice few hours listening to music & reading in the back garden today. Am currently reading Ronnie O'Sullivan's book, and it's pretty interesting. I've always thought of myself as similar to him for some reason, and this book definitely reinforces this - we have the same traits, such as addiction and obsession, and maybe a little self-pity :).

Yesterday we had a nice barbeque at Baz's sister's house, involving lots of lazing around on the grass, which was fun. Then we went for a drive with the windows down, listening to summery music in the sunshine. Pretty perfect for an experience not involving the opposite sex. Unfortunately he's going on holiday on Wednesday, which will definitely leave me at a loose end. However, for the moment, I'm feeling a little more content, the weather is fine (though I usually prefer snow), I'm sleeping great, and the days are flying by.

I think this is as good as it gets, until you get more friends and an actual life ;)

2003-07-12T01:41:00.000+01:00

Just watched Beautiful Girls again, such a lovely, lovely film. To make it even better it had two of my favourite songs on which I hadn't really heard the first time I saw it, Flock of Seagulls - I Ran, and then to my delight in the credits, Chris Isaak - Graduation Day.

Now trying to decide who is cutest, Natalie Portman in that film or a 17 year old caller on Howard Stern. Both are as sweet as sugar - American girls have such nice voices.

Went to some girls house today, and was appalled to find yet another person who lives in a nicer house than me. Since I moved to college I've begun to realise that I'm some sort of urchin.

Was also my Mum's birthday today, and thankfully she seemed delighted by her presents - some perfume and a nail varnish set. Felt like such a ponce mooching round the ladies perfume section of Debenhams, but it was definitely worth it.

In other news, Jon Tickle goes back into the Big Brother 4 house with a whopping 62% ish of the vote (guess my vote wasn't needed Sonia, phew :p). Might actually make it worth watching again, he's great. Reminds me of a comedy version of Tiger Woods.

Ah well, time for more depressingly unrealistic, happy dreams.

2003-07-10T23:34:00.000+01:00

Hello again.

I think I should really slacken off the updates as I'm aware how tedious this thing becomes :). Can't help it though, I enjoy writing stuff, especially about myself. Well, at least I'm honest.

Forgot what I was going to say now. My mum's auntie thinks my hair is cool - it's nice to know someone does.

Off to watch 'Porn - A Family Business' - a quite funny documentary series starring none other than Seymour Butts. Cool.

edit - classic line, 'He's Seymour Butts for chrissakes, he has no reason to be nervous.' Brilliant.

2003-07-09T23:34:00.000+01:00

Hola!

For some reason a police helicopter decided to start doing sweeps over my house at 1am this morning. Knew I shouldn't have downloaded all those mp3s. Anyway, it gave me the chance to do some deep thinking, but I've already forgotten over what.

Had some interesting dreams - started off socialising with some girl I like, then changed into a full on gunfight. The gun seemed real at first, but then changed into limply firing water. I was the last to 'die' on my team, but it was 2v1 at the end so I can't really be blamed. I then ambled down to the nearby pool, where 5 muscly guys were stripping and prancing around in trunks (I'm not gay, honest.)

Can't really explain that last bit. Don't want to think about it longer than necessary.

Finally applied for the job requiring 12 months experience (seeing as I have 2 weeks work experience, I'd say my chances are slim to none). Still, at least I can kid myself that I'm trying. Spent the rest of the day lazing around in the back garden listening to music.

Hmm, I wish I lived in America purely to listen to Howard Stern. If there's one guy in the world I'd like to be friends with it would be him I think. The Yanks don't know how lucky they are having 3 hours of him a day. For those who don't know, he's a radio host in America, and is the guy in the top pic (admittedly not much of a stunner but he does have an amazing voice). Found somewhere where I can download the show every day, which made me pretty happy.

Yay, nearly time for Mr. Essany. I find the way he gets away with saying ridiculously cheesy things to the fairer sex quite funny.

Anyway, later.

2003-07-08T22:17:00.000+01:00

I was going to come on here and do quite a large moan. Massive, in fact. So much stuff bothering me in life at the moment that I don't even know where to start.

But then I just watched a great episode of the Michael Essany show, and feel somewhat inspired. Guess I'm a pretty simple person. Oh, and American girls are fit.

2003-07-07T00:07:00.000+01:00

Heh, lost even more. Only money I guess.

One of my best friends has just revealed something to me that can only be described as farcical. It happened about 8/9 months ago, and whilst I'm glad I didn't know at the time, looking back it is quite comical, very similar to sitcom stuff. Funny how something can be so insignificant later on. Not even sure I'm making sense myself here, so I'll stop.

Really, really, need to get a job. Maybe.

On a lighter note, Appetite for Destruction - most amazing album ever. Everyone should go buy it, the calibre of the songs is mindblowing.

Saw the Aerosmith - Cryin' music vid a few times in the last couple of days, and was reminded of how sexy Alicia Silverstone looked in the Clueless era. Amazing. I actually remember having a sleepover at my best friend's house, watching that film, and being totally and utterly smitten. Happy times.

Hmm, it's a bit sad how I still seem to turn to jelly for girls I can't get. 'Youth is wasted on the young, before you know it's come and gone.' - it seems strangely poignant. I must be tired if I'm starting to see sense in Robbie Williams lyrics.

Night.

2003-07-06T13:19:00.000+01:00

Doh, Taylor lost in the semis to John Part.

Slept on the couch and awoke at 4:15 (purrrrfect timing) to watch. Decided it was too late(early) to drink, as it was nearly daylight outside. Went to 5-4, then he slipped to 5-11 (first to 13), which was a bit of a disaster. Pulled it back to 10-12, got my hopes up, then dashed them. Doh, there goes the money again.

Never mind.

2003-07-05T23:11:00.000+01:00

Found another pic, ah, she really is lovely.

Made back the lost profit effortlessly on the Women's final within 10 minutes, which was pretty impressive I thought. I think I'll take some of the profit out tomorrow, as Wimbledon is all but over, bar the men's final.

I now have two choices as I see it, 1) get a job, 2) turn to poker instead. I have great success with the free chips but when gambling with your own money it's an entirely different kettle of fish. I think I shall have to leave that (at least until I get my own credit card), and go join my friend in the exciting world of being a 'packer'.

Spent a lot of time playing the guitars today, got down around half of the Sweet Child of Mine solo, which is something I've always wanted to do, but the rest is definitely tricky. Also learnt 'Don't Know Why' by Norah Jones, which is filled with lots of bluesy seventh chords and sounds really nice.

In other news, Phil Taylor marches into the semi finals in the Desert Classic in Las Vegas. There's something about darts that gets me ridiculously excited when watching it, moreso than any other sport. Add to that the fact that I have money at stake, and tomorrow night should be great. I'm looking forward to early morning drunken cheering and bawling at the tv. I sound sad, don't I?

2003-07-04T23:07:00.000+01:00

I am becoming increasingly obsessed with Rachel Pierman, picture above (obviously), who is the part time host of 'Brainteaser' on Channel 5. Tons of charisma, funny, sexy, just perfect. In the million to one chance that you are reading this Rachel, please marry me.

Can't be bothered with a long post, so to summarise, finally sent my accomodation form out, lost half of yesterday's profits, watched the rugby, and managed to sleep in till noon, which was impressive for me at least.

2003-07-03T23:59:00.000+01:00

Eek, just nearly crashed the car, a seemingly total lapse of concentration as I was waiting to turn right. Let the car going the opposite way go, then pulled out and discovered that I was about 2 feet away from ploughing into a car behind him. Whether this guy had just pulled away from the side of the road in front of the chippy, or if I had just not seen him - I'm not sure. It was dark and I was dazzled but, jeez, no excuse really. Pretty scary stuff. Luckily we both slapped on the brakes quick, but I'm guessing he wasn't too pleased, and rightfully so. More concentration needed in future.

Went to the jobcentre again today, found what looks the perfect job (data entry, 6 quid an hour, 4 hours a day (yes, 4, 7-11am:), 5 days a week). Unfortunately they want 12 months past experience, which personally I think is a little dumb for a data entry job. My typing is ridiculously fast and no doubt I could do the job quicker than most people with experience. Oh, and I'm really modest too. I think I'll apply anyway, but this means writing my first ever CV. God, everything is so much effort.

The gambling money drought ended today - made quite a bit. Worringly, it means absolutely nothing to me. It was a fair amount, but I'm so depressed at the moment, its just meaningless. I have no motivation, goals or desires, and really just wish this summer didn't exist. And I never spend any money, just hoard it away. Might go blow it all on an expensive acoustic guitar.

I get the feeling that I am not really coming across that well in this update, and I apologise, but I really am in a low rut. I just seem to be stuck in a stupid boring cycle of nothingness. The only good thing in my life right now is music, discovered lots of nice new stuff lately, eg. Lamb - Gorecki.

Sonia - saw your message, hope you are having a nice time. They have computers up north in Newcastle, don't they? :) Feel free to drop me a mail sometime and let me know how you are doing. Take care.

Off to try and sleep for as long as possible. Man, I'm really not sure what I'm doing with my life. May just go skydiving or something, anything to break the cycle.

Enough ranting for one day, good night.

2003-07-02T23:51:00.000+01:00

For today, read yesterday's entry. Both terribly boring days, no financial gain, barely done anything and have been terribly bored. Oh, and for some reason i had dodgy microwaveable burgers on each day (though today's was admittedly much better, i realised i undercooked it by 30 seconds yesterday - which is quite a lot when the total time is only 2 minutes).

Apparently Sonia leaves for Newcastle tomorrow, which is a shame. Must say I'm quite jealous though, she has a job lined up for her in a different city, whilst I'm stuck at home, jobless and bored to tears. Starting to consider travelling again, but deep down I know it won't happen. Damn my laziness. Anyway, have a nice time Sonic, hope to see you again soon.

Anyway, must go, time for The Michael Essany show (great programme, c4 11:45 Wednesdays :)

Also, Survivor - Burning Heart is cool.

Goodbye.

2003-07-01T19:24:00.000+01:00

One of the worst days ever :)

Totally bored, did nothing constructive, and made less than 2 English Pounds. A wasted day if ever I saw one.

You know your life is quite boring when the highlight of your day was looking outside and thinking 'Heh, it's raining ridiculously hard.'

Also, got pasted in the poker tournament, I am rusty and need practice. Plus I only had one good hand which I unfortunately lost, which basically sent me up the creek. Still, there's always tomorrow.

The Elvis song mentioned a few posts ago is really good, but pales in comparison to Kruder & Dorfmeister - David Holmes - Gone (one of the most beautiful mellow pieces of music ever). Time to go.

(Thought for the day : Does anyone actually read this site?)

2003-06-30T23:13:00.000+01:00

What did I do today? Very little, as always.

Got up late, had a massive fry up as a brunch (I suck at cooking bacon, it just shrivels up straight away). Spent the afternoon watching Wimbledon and betting, made a ridiculous amount. Got a letter from the bank I applied to for a job, saying 'We're updating our records, are you still interested?'. Idiots. Found a poker room that does free to enter tournaments daily. I am giggly school girl excited.

Elvis - She's Not You. Nice song.

Someone leave a comment for god's sake.

2003-06-29T17:55:00.000+01:00

Woo, got the comments thing sorted. Feel free to add a little message, the more abusive the better.

Done very little again today, spent most of the time doodling around on the guitar and learning some REM stuff. Sometimes you forget how good they are, most of their songs are totally brilliant.

Am I the only one who daydreams in the shower, then is unsure as to whether they have shampooed their hair? Usually I end up squirting some more out of the bottle then getting deja vu and thinking 'Ah, damn, yep, I've already washed it'. Hopefully this isn't just me, or I am possibly going very old way before my time.

Finally, Holly Valance in the bikini on that phone ad. Very nice.

2003-06-28T21:03:00.000+01:00

Had a nice, if uneventful day.

Went round to a friends house as usual, and did our usual lazing about, watching music channels and playing on the Playstation. A nice piece of skill from myself caused my mate to swear quite a bit, overturn a table, and storm upstairs. I think you had to be there to appreciate how funny it was.

Made some more money on Tiger Tim! (note: I use that nickname with the utmost sarcasm, and I am aware that I probably have a betting problem). I think I will spend some of this money before I have the chance to lose it all again.

And again, that's it. I really don't have an interesting life. Oh yeah, I have plans to sort out a comments thing maybe, then I can see exactly how many suckers read this page.

Also added a link to my friend's page to the sidebar. Please go visit, she has no friends.

2003-06-27T22:13:00.000+01:00

Gahah. Had a great day on betdaq, man I love Wimbledon. My weekly earnings now stand at what I would have made doing a boring supermarket job on 4 quid an hour 9-5. And I get to sit here, watch tv, listen to music and talk to friends. Hard life huh?

Somewhat depressingly I'm aware that money isn't the be all and end all, but hmm yes, I'm feeling ridiculously smug. Off to eat sugary stuff and watch Airplane.

2003-06-26T23:25:00.000+01:00

And it, it drove me out of my mind
I should have known better, said I wish I'd never met her,
Said I'd, I'd leave it all behind
Yowsa!
- Guns N' Roses - Mr. Brownstone

I am ridiculously hot, sweaty, bored, and plain fed up in general. I simply cannot think of anything that is going to make me happy in life, bar stuff that I literally cannot get. It is a very sad state of affairs.

The mood of this Blog seems to be rapidly deteriorating along with my interest in life.

However, lets not kid myself, it could definitely be a lot worse - sadly a footballer died tonight during a game. Pretty shocking stuff, especially for someone fit like that to die in their prime at 28, from what is assumed to be a heart attack. Makes you wonder about many things, and also makes you thankful for what you've got. RIP.

2003-06-26T09:56:00.000+01:00

I have now officially left college, and have been presented with a little yellow booklet. How kind.

Last night I had some pretty weird dreams, one where my friend was dying of cancer, which was quite strange. The other involved racing Minis down a motorway, some girl from college trying to snipe me, and other stuff. Tons of fun.

Hmm, college drags so much when you are trying to kill some time on your own.

2003-06-25T22:46:00.000+01:00

"Sometimes you can want something too much."
- Greg Rusedski

Note to self - ladder jumping can be a dangerous hobby.

2003-06-25T19:12:00.000+01:00

I don't actually have anything to say now either, but am trying to kill sometime before going out.

Rusedski lost a point due to someone in the crowd shouting 'Out!', which was quite funny. Even funnier was his outburst to the umpire before the next game. Suffice to say, he was swearing like a trooper. Top television. The BBC then have the cheek to apologise on behalf of Greg, I mean, it's not as if they could have turned his mike off. Instead they rammed a camera in his face and picked up every foul word. It did make excellent watching, but, now now BBC, let's not pretend it was accidentally filmed.

Oh, and John McEnroe rocks. So smooth, so funny.

That was the highpoint of the day, which says quite a lot. The lowpoint doesn't really bear talking about - I think that's the problem with 'Blogs', you can never really open up entirely (at least I can't).

Have to nip into college tomorrow to fill in some silly form, then I will be finished there until results day, woo.

2003-06-25T14:45:00.000+01:00

Nice lie in today, then watched New South Wales hammer Queensland in the second State of Origin game. Lost a fiver, doh. Andrew Johns is actually all he is hyped up to be, superb player and good looking to boot. I'm jealous.

Unfortunately I have seem to near-paralysed myself playing rugby last night (its probably only a pulled muscle in my neck, but sounds more impressive if I say it like that).

And.. thats it. Very little to say right now.

2003-06-24T17:49:00.000+01:00

Well, that was a decent day, had a nice trip to the pub - thanks to those who went for a fun few hours.

Still feeling a bit unsure about university - am about to send off the accomodation form. I can't think of any other alternative other than going, but I am concerned that if I hate my roommates and/or the city/course then it could be terrible. Ah well, at least I'll have my mini-fridge. On a serious note only time will tell, so I guess there's no real point in getting stressed about it.

Still haven't heard back from this job offer, yet can't be bothered applying to other places. I really wouldn't mind an easy data entry job, but don't really want to make the effort to get one. Preferably I'd like to spend every day doing stuff with friends, but that seems unlikely as they all have other plans/jobs.

It seems I am becoming addicted to boxing, have watched the Lewis fight 3 times now and am downloading a lot more to watch. I think it ties in with my recent desire to absolutely paste somebody. If anyone smaller than me would like to set up a nearby Fight Club let me know.

Note to self, watch Airplane again soon, as I have just remembered how class it is.
'We have clearance, Clarence'
'Roger, roger. What's our vector Victor?'

Brilliant.

Finally, just looked in the mirror and I need a shave (god, I'm scraping the barrel here). Also, I wish we lived in a reflected alternate universe, because in my opinion I look a lot better in the mirror. It's just like on Scrubs: 'Do you ever comb your hair over to the other side to see what you look like to other people?' :)

This has dragged on a bit. Last but not least, Prince - The Most Beautiful Girl in the World, cheesy but good.

2003-06-23T15:55:00.000+01:00

It just gets better...

Haha, taste it Hewitt.

A little known Croatian dude called Ivo Karlovic has just pulled off one of the best performances ever, and netted me quite a lot of money in the process. What a guy.

The mini fridge shall be mine!

2003-06-23T14:16:00.000+01:00

Well, it's that time of the year again, time for strawberries, Henmania and ridiculous clenched fists. Roddick is looking good, but I'm aware how badly this site is turning into purely betting speak, so I'll stop. (by the way, I won 50+ quid this morning, ner ner :D)

Whats happening in my life? Very little - home life is terribly tedious. Still, at least I can catch up on watching some films and Scrubs. I really need some blinds or something, finding it impossible to sleep past 9am due to the damn sun.

Time to go be unsocial.

2003-06-22T11:17:00.000+01:00

Get in there Frank!

Lennox Lewis - what a pansy. Don't think I've ever felt worse about winning money. He gets totally thrashed then has the cheek to claim otherwise in the interview afterwards. Thankfully the interviewer made him look stupid (it's not that hard, he has the IQ of Audrey Harrison). Still, it was worth getting up for. I think.

Had some nice dreams, the first was a typical 'shooting invading aliens' one, which was pretty fun, the second, a little nicer. However it's pretty depressing when you have a nice one then wake up afterwards to discover your life still sucks. Sigh.

I think I kinda annoyed someone last night with my accusations. I didn't mean to, was just concerned. Sorry.

Song of the moment? - Still, Chris Isaak - I Wonder. What a guy.

2003-06-21T20:48:00.000+01:00

Hmm, this seems ok(ish), but I'll probably make my own site soon (once i remember how to use html). I don't really like the size of the title, but I'm not exactly sure it can be changed at the moment.

I wiill probably post the old things i have written later, or on the new site. Or not at all.

Things of note today? Could have won a lot of money. But didn't. Arf.

(edit: Sorted some stuff, including the title. Woo)